30 September 2007
Sunday, September 30, 2007
thanks girl... *hugs*i just received a very nice and comforting email from one of my primary school pals...
here are parts of her email that really touched me...
"... i do understand what you are going through.. it's really not easy losing somebody close to you.."
"...you never really move on, you just stop thinking abt it.. stay strong and hang in there.."
"...it was like telling me, she made a huge impact in these people's life and she meant someting to them.. it was like celebration of her life where people shared their experiences with her and their memories.."
" ...celebrate your grandma's life.."
"...impact people like how she did with hers.."
"...i'm sure she was a great woman.. live like how she would you know.."
"...so do take care all right.. and you will be ok.. :)"
thank you girl...
thanks for the comforting email.... really appreciate it... *hugs*
thanks for reminding me that she had a good life for the 86 years she lived...
thanks for reminding me that she had a great impact on all she lived with...
thanks for showing me that there is another way for me to remember her...
i will celebrate her life and i will impact people like the way she did from now on...
_________
next week is mid term test week.... here's the "formula" for what i am supposed to do now...
STUDY M(A + S + arketing)
after which, i will be able to relax for a short while... before i have to focus on all my projects... got MA final project, ICC project, MS Case Assignment 2, Marketing Case Report and Final Project... so many projects...
time seems to be passing very fast... in a blink of an eye, i am half way through my 1st sem... i will be done with FT and will have a 3 day week... weeeee~ *jumps for joy*
well... that's all for now... need to study.... thanks for popping by... (",)
~*candice*~
24 September 2007
Monday, September 24, 2007
it's because of the chocolate fondue and the rain...feeling sick now... having sore throat, feeling very tired and might be having fever... and i think it is because of the chocolate fondue i had with my family last night and the rain that got me drenched in the morning....
my parents bought a chocolate fondue fountain at a steal from cash converter and we decided to try it out.... it was quite fun... waiting for the chocolate buttons to melt, waiting for the melted chocolate to be "pumped" up to the top and then enjoying ourselves with all the fruits.... it is such a sin to indulge in it.... and i got my just deserts.... came down with a bad sore throat.... but that won't deter me from indulging in it once in a while... whahaha.... who can resist chocolate???? i know i can't...
i got drenched on my way to the bus stop today.... it was pouring.... my jeans were like soaking wet and it only dried after my ma class... was practically shaking the entire time... the boring topic today didn't help either... almost fell asleep.... so pia seh lor... somemore next week having mid term test already leh... then fall asleep in class.... oh man... it is time to buck up and mug.... time for the mugger side of candice to come forth...
got a lot of stuff to do... so that's all for today... cheers (",)
~*candice*~
23 September 2007
Sunday, September 23, 2007
i still miss her...it has almost been 8 months since she left... but i still remember the last few moments i spent with her vividly... it hurts.... i miss her so much...
reading the various notes i wrote down while i was with her always bring me to tears... i remember the times i spent with her when i was younger, the times when i stayed with her in the hospital, the times where i had to pretend everything was alright, the times when i had to deceive her... the times when i broke down, the times she left...
i thought i was over it, but i was wrong... i haven't cried for a while, mainly because i was trying to focus on my studies, then on my work and then ndp... i guess i didn't really have the time to think... so i "survived"... but earlier this week, during my intercultural communications aka ICC class, one of my classmated decided to do his oral journal written report based on death... it then dawned upon me that she was no longer around.... it was as if my life rewinded right in front of me and played over again...
he asked something along the line of how are funnerals like overseas - as in is it a sad or happy occasion for them... i really wanted to voice my experience but held back as i started to tear...
the thing abut funnerals is that, during the wake, you still have the person's body with you, so you do not really see it that he or she has left... they look as though they are sleeping peacefully... it is only when we left for mandai that i wailed like a baby... because there is nothing left for us to hold on to... we cannot see her anymore other than her pictures, other than in our memories... it was then that i really couldn't take it... she was really leaving us for good...
i did think about writing down all of my thoughts and make it into a book to remember her... so that in future, i can read through the various entries and remind myself of my beloved grandma, about how i felt, about how much i loved her... i think i will do so...
i was talking to jeremiah as i was waiting for my bus... and suddenly we started talking about losing our loved ones.... it was the first time that i talked about this matter... i have always wanted to talk to someone about it; on how fast she left, how she "drfited away" from us... to let it all out... it was very hard.... my eyes started to fill with tears... so i just ended it quickly... to refrain myself from crying in public... then he reminded me that everyone has a time to leave this place, so we have to be strong and move on... thanks jeremiah the little reminder...
so, i will be strong... it doesn't mean that i will forget about... it will just mean that she will still be a part of me even though she is no longer physically around...
i love you mama.... *hugs*
~*candice*~
