25 February 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
is it wrong to be nice???ya, that's my question... is it wrong for me to be nice?? why is it that some people get the wrong idea and like "develop" feelings for me even though i treat other people the same way?? are they like so deprived and desperate for love?? the thought of it gives me creeps....
at least 1 of them don't have my contact details and cannot bug me... but one does.... and it is getting very irritating.... keep on calling to ask something and cannot make enquires all at one time.... keep on calling at wierd wierd timing, don't ask whether free a not and start talking like a bullet train.... it can really spoil my day.... at first i didn't really think much of it, but after a while, the smses i receive get a little wierd.... i really hope that this hunch of mine is wrong, then all would be well... freaky man.... i dun feel like answering his calls at all, keep cancelling it and silencing my phone so as not to hear his voice.... call me bad or evil or insensitive, but i just do not want to pick up the calls...
what should i do?? i was so freaked out by the latest sms i got from him that i was so tempted to send him an email to tell him to stop it, but i am afraid that it would like destroy the friendship we have (now is really not the time to do so as he is in 1 of my project group), and then, how to tell him?? i was so tempted to pretend that i have a bf so that he would find another target... any volunteers to be my fake bf?? hahaha...
_______________________________ freaky ____________________________
the term break is over and i practically spent the entire time rotting away... practically just keep eating, sleeping, watching tv, surfing the net... when i was supposed to be catching up on my work... but lost time cannot be regained... i would just have to work harder and catch up...
the new year has been very different, no one at my mother's side had the mood to bai nian at all, we just merely got together on chu er at my dua gu's house for lunch where we just said happy new year to one another... giving hugs to one another to console each other after praying to mama... it was so quiet, so strange, so distant... as i sat on the steps of the stairs, i remember mama woud be seated at 1 of the chairs in front of me, talking to my mum, my aunts, laughing, eating, gossiping about things, but now, they will all be memories that i will have of her...
just now, i read something i wrote while i was with her, watching over her in hospital... i cried again as i felt her pain and suffering, i cried as i remembered my last times i had with her.... the last time i remember most vividly with her while she was in hosipital was on the day that she found out about her illness.... i was seated next to her, holding on to her hand, massaging her hand that was bruised by all the needles.... then, she looked at me, she looked into my eyes, i felt like crying then, but all i could do was to smile sweetly at her, to give her the assurance that all will be well, so that she would fight on... but i had to let go of her soon, one of my uncles came... so i let her hands go... that was the last time she saw my face...
on the thursday of the week she passed on, after lunch with karin, i went to visit her again.... but she couldn't see me anymore, she couldn't see anyone... she could only hear us talk to her.... it was then that i cried right in front of her... by then, i knew all was lost, her condition was deterioting very quickly.... so whenever i could, i would hold her hand, rub it, massage it, rub her legs, put her favourite lotion on them and gave them a nice massage.... that was the only thing that i could do for her.... and that was the last thing i did for her...
almost an entire month has gone by, but everything is still vivid in my head... i will never forget how all of us lost her, i will never forget how all of us loved her....
~*candice*~
17 February 2007
Saturday, February 17, 2007
it will be a very different new year...as everyone gets happy during the new year whilst receiving ang paos, eating all the new year goodies and visiting loved ones.... all i will be doing would be remembering the times i had with
her... especially during the new year...
usually my new year celebration would start on the eve of the new year, at my
dua gu's house, where
mama would be preparing the ingredients for the big reunion dinner later... she would also be preparing the hoi sim and chicken rice....
yum yum... over the years, i would try to help out in the kitchen, but most of the time i would end up with the task of washing all the vegetables and sometimes, i would be able to do some cutting... the reunion dinner would be the highlight of the entire new year, as all of us, all my uncles and aunties, all my cousins would try or best to be there... at the "peak", all of us would be able to fill up 5 tables and since there was a lack of steamboat pots, the last table (usually the table i will be at) would end up using a normal pot... haha... i really miss those moments as that was the only time of the year where everyone would have a chance to eat a meal together...
the first day of the new year would usually start with my visit to my
dai gu jie as well as
ji peh... then would be my visit to my
mama's house... from as far as i remember, whenever we reached the place, everyone would have to "take turns" to wish her happy new year... she would be so happy to see all of us in front of her... she would never be tired about the usual boring greetings that we give her... all she wants is for the entire family to be together... everyone would have lunch there... to eat mama's speciality -
derh toh teng... (aka
pig stomach soup) this is the only time that i would eat something like that, because she cooked it...
now that i have mentioned about her a bit, i don't feel like blogging anymore about the new year... i don't know how it is going to be like esp on sunday where i will be paying my respects to her at guang meng sua....
happy new year guys.... (",)
~*candice*~
15 February 2007
Thursday, February 15, 2007
my body is not accepting the amount of coffee i am consuming....just 1 cup of coffee and i start to feel wierd... how to study like this?? i want to stay awake to complete my readings for my
TWC paper review but my body does not want to
"accept" the coffee i am consuming to keep myself awake... i dun feel like drinking red bull... anyone know of a way where i can stay awake a night so that i can complete my work??
on tuesday, my
LTB group went down to
Toa Payoh SAC to give our first crime prevention talk in hokkien.... and
it was a success!!! yeah... the elderly there were very friendly, very supportive of us, very sweet and nice... so cute also.... and they understood my sub standard hokkien.... hahahaha.... but i still need to spend some time to practice it so that i can get better in speaking hokkien... but one of the things we might need to improve on for the next talk next month is that there were some of them who only understood malay and a little english... they were kinda left out from our talk.... felt kinda bad.... but at least we managed to translate parts of our talk into english and pray that they understood what we said.... then we had
agnes from the
SAC who acted as our malay translator whenever she was free...
i am also wondering, if the same group of them were to come down for the talk again next month, would they find it boring?? coz we will be going through the same stuff over again... i believe that one reason they would come down again would be so that they can find someone they can talk to and maybe to have a chance to get more lucky draw prizes... hehe... well, who wouldn't want free things right?!?!
well, there is still a lot more readings i need to do to catch up with my
TWC class so that i can complete my paper review which is due on friday.... so, that's all for now... tata....
(",)
~*candice*~
11 February 2007
Sunday, February 11, 2007
in school on sunday?!?! what a sad life i have...yup... the title says it all... am actually in school on a sunday, waiting for my project meeting to start.... actually wanted to do my homework as i rot the time away in the library, but my mind doesn't want to.... so what do i do?? i blog...
now is like
2.20, but my meeting only starts at
4.... supposed to spend a while buying some new clothes with my
mum and
sisters at
PS, but in the end, didn't manage to find anything nice.... so i walked to school... i was so tempted to just hop onto the cab with my
mum and go home with her where my comfy bed lies, but i can't,
today's meeting is crucial to the entire project....
Project Golden Years.... or "
huang jin nian hua" (pls dun ask me why on earth is the project name so crappy...) is my
LTB group's "
baby"... to give you an idea what the objective is about... here's our (
Skittles') Mission Statement...
*drum rolls*Mission Statement:
To enrich the lives of the elderly at Toa Payoh Moral Seniors Activity Centre
and educate them about Crime Prevention
that will provide them with valuable skills and knowledge for a friendlier and safer neighbourhood environment.
yup, a crime prevention talk... sounds easy right?!?! just need to talk about what to do and what not to do blah blah blah... but it's not easy.... we have to give the talk to the elderly in HOKKIEN!!!!! what's more, none of us can fluently converse in hokkien.... my hokkien ar.... only need 3 words to describe it.... "CANNOT MAKE IT" hahaha.... amongst my family members.... i am the one who is the worst in speaking hokkien.... i can listen, but speaking wise, better that i don't open my mouth otherwise you won't understand a word i am saying or you will just keep laughing your ass off till you have very toned abs with all the stomach exercise... so ya....
i just completed my script with translation done by my mummy.... thank you mummy.... thank you for not giving up on me with all that horrible pronounciation i made last night... and i have to memorise it by tuesday when i will be giving the talk to approximately 60 ah gongs and ah mahs.... practice, practice and more practice is the only things i can do to save myself from humiliation....
new years coming, but it won't be the same.... mama's gone, i totally lost my "new year mood"... nobody bears to step back into lor ah soo for they fear they cannot take it anymore and break down in tears... i want to go there, to go into mama's room, to sit on her bed and remember her... but they say can only go there after new year...
i'm still lagging behind my studeis, but luckily i only have like 2 mid term papers... FA - i am quite confident i will be able to pass this mod... and Comms written assignment - this one is like letter writing, so should be ok la.... but i still got a lot of projects to complete.... usually i will list down whatever i need to do, but this time i don't really know where to start... too many la....
well, enough of blogging... now is time for reading my text.... mugging.... sad sia.... i am becoming a mugger here is SMU...
~*candice*~
10 February 2007
Saturday, February 10, 2007
all the best in UQ karin...just came back from airport after sending our dear dear
karin off as she embarks on a new journey in life, her uni life in
UQ Australia... girl, jia you ok... you can do it... and
GET AN ANG MOH BOYFRIEND!~!~!~ hahahahahahahaha.... (",)
being at the airport just now brought back
wonderful memories where i did my internship over 1 and a half years ago... where i would be walking to my gate to do my duty, meeting people from all over the world, being of service to them etc.... oh, how much i miss those days... slotting boarding passes into the BGR, saying over and over again, "
can i have your passport and boarding pass please", "
thank you, have a nice flight" etc... i am very glad that i did my internship at the airport rather than at an events company....
when i was waiting for my bus at the basement, i saw two foreigners, most likely businessmen, judging from their attire and how they present themselves... they seemed a little lost... i didn't know whether i should approach them yet to see whether they needed my help, so i continued to watch them... after a while, they approached me on whether they needed to purchase any tickets before boarding the bus... so i told them that there was no need, just have to pay when they board... they thanked me and that felt great.... that really made me remember my internship days at
SATS when i help passengers get around....
when the bus came, i felt a little embarassed, everyone else rushed to the bus, not waiting for our "guests" to get on first even though they were in the queue...
*sigh* but what can i do?? something else happened to make me realise that singaporeans are really in a world of their own.... after boarding the bus, the foreigners seemed to not have small change to pay for their ride, they were standing at the entrance for a while, talking to the bus driver... after a while, not a single person went forward to lend a hand to the poor, lost souls who do not know what on earth to do to pay for their ride esp when they do not have change... i just couldn't take it anymore... i checked my wallet... got up, asked them what happened... indeed, they did not have small change... the smallest notes they had were 50 dollars and other currencies.... i asked them how much did the driver say they had to pay and passed them the money.... they were so grateful.... kept on thanking me....
it was then that i realised, i love being in the service industry... nothing motivates me to work in the service industry more than the simple phrase "
thank you"... it made me think, "
what on earth am i doing? is studying something i really want??" esp studying something like business that has little to do with my interest of serving people... but i have to continue studying so that i don't let my parents down who spend so much money on sending me to
SMU.... so i will try to finish my studies asap so that i can go to work in the service line.... i have decided that i will not do marketing as my major... i think i will do HR and corporate comms as my majors....
~*candice*~
04 February 2007
Sunday, February 04, 2007
it's time for the brand new me to kick in....once again, thank you to all of my dear friends who sms me now and then to check how i am doing.... i am feeling better now... still sad inside, but i know that life has to go on... i know that that would be what my dear mama would want... she would not want me to sink into depression, neglect my health, neglect my studies, neglect my future because of her... so from tomorrow onwards, i will buck up, catch up with my studies and become a better, stronger me...
i have missed out on quite a number of my lessons, but i am grateful to have understanding professors as well as friends at SMU who understand what i have been going through... guys, i would need your help to catch up with lessons k... esp TWC, i still dun really understand what this subject is about.... this is a bad sign... but i know i can overcome this, with the help of my friends... (",)
my sister kim finally bought a car.... a cute small car... name: chery QQ... haha... cute name also right... lol... she can finally use a P plate and i can start to learn how to drive... hopefully it would not be so hard and complicated.... but i am confident i can do it... haha.... bu yao xiao kan wo... lol
well, it will be a short entry today, dun really want to blog much, need to read up on calculus and ltb for tml's class.... byebye (",)
~*candice*~
02 February 2007
Friday, February 02, 2007
i'm starting to forget...i'm starting to forget how you smell like...
i'm starting to forget how your voice sounds like...
i'm starting to forget how your skin feels like...
i'm starting to forget how your touch feels like...
i'm starting to forget how your hair feels like...
i'm starting to forget...but i don't want to...
~*candice*~
