25 January 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007
this was actually yesterday's entry....
To my dear friends:Thank you very much for all of your care and concern for me these few days... thank you for asking me, "how are you?", "are you ok?" when you guys see me...
Thank you for telling me that I can call you whenever I need a listening ear or when I need a shoulder to cry my heart out... Thank you for telling me that it is alright to cry because all of you are around... Thank you for telling me to "jia you", to be strong... Thank you...
Thanks for leaving sweet messages on my tag board or sending me smses to take care of myself, that you will pray for my grandmother’s recovery, that you will be a phone call away... Thank you for asking me how is everything at home and at school...
Thank you
karin for the care and concern you have given to me through our conversations on msn as well as through the smses we send to one another... Thanks for making me feel better when I was first "hit" with the sudden news...
Thank you
cindy, for leaving a short message on my tagboard to tell me that you understand what I am going through... thank you for talking to me about how I need to be strong in order to fight this battle with her... thank you for being with me this afternoon...
Thank you
jieting, thank you for leaving me a message on my tagboard, thank you for telling me to take care of myself and that I can call you anytime if I need to talk to someone... thank you girl... *
hugs*Thank you
pui sze, thank you for sending me an sms to tell me to take care of myself and leaving a message on my tagboard... i know i can count of you in times of need...
Thank you
cherie for the sweet note you passed to me today after class... I was really touched when I read it on my way to the hospital... even my mum was touched by your sweet gesture... thank you girl... I think I might need help with calculus... haha... (",)
Thank you
friska for your enquiry about how i was doing on monday... thank you...
Thank you
junyi for leaving the longest message on my tagboard... 2 somemore... Thanks for willing to lend me your ears whenever I need them even though we have sort of lost contact over the years... Thank you...
Thank you to
the guys from my primary school whom I pang seh-ed on Saturday... thanks for your understanding and for your prayer for my grandmother to get well... I really appreciate it... thanks...
Thank you to all of you who continue to offer me help in any possible way...I know that I have been moody these days in school and have not been contributing much to the projects at hand... I am trying my best to juggle between my studies, visiting and taking care of my grandmother at the hospital as well as taking care of myself...
I will be strong as my grandmother is still fighting on to survive... now she knows about her health, so we have to tell her that all hope is not lost and that she must fight to survive so that she will not give up...
I am currently taking a break from my duty when I am writing this passage on word... later I would have to stay next to my grandmother, to hold her hand to tell her that I will be with her the entire night till tomorrow morning... to let her feel safe so that she can sleep the whole night through...
The main thing I have to look out for whist I am on duty now is to make sure that she is breathing... according to my cousin-in-law Kelvin who is a doctor, he said that there is very little lung tissue that is unaffected by the cancerous cells, so there is a very high chance that she might just stop breathing anytime... My mum and my cousin actually experienced a time whereby my grandmother stopped breathing for a few seconds... both of them freaked out and was very scared that that would be it, that she would actually leave us... but luckily, she started breathing all over again after my mum called her to wake her...
It has been 3 weeks since she was admitted into SGH and how much more fragile has my grandmother become... she is practically just skin and bone... her eyes are sunken in already, you can actually see the contour of her skull, her bone structure, the pulse on her neck, the excess skin that hangs from her arms, face and legs...
It really hurts me to see how much medication she has to take everyday orally as well as through injections and drips... Every single day, she will have at least 1 plug set into either of her hand... And it is a 3 way plug... This plug is also separate from her morphine one... She has to take so many types of antibiotics everyday, she is on drip everyday because of her very poor appetite... on certain days, she also has to do a blood transfusion because of the amount of blood she coughs out...
I really do hope that the new drug she is taking at the moment will work wonders on her... to extend her life a little longer... if not possible, at least reduce the amount of pain she is going through... Even though she is in pain, she has
NEVER, NEVER ONCE SHED A SINGLE TEAR ever since she found out that she has cancer... she always says "she si zhu dia, wa bueh kia, ni nang mai kao" she is so strong... holding on till the end... I must be strong for her as well...
~*candice*~
